THEORY: The Best Conversations

I find that the best conversations I have are the ones I have with myself. Not because I'm all that smart or anything but because I continue to discuss with myself the things I leave unsaid. The moments of silence in between my conversations with others are when, more often than not, I'm having a subconversation with myself. Sadly, these conversations remain where they are conceived... in my head.

Just a few hours earlier, as I was chopping onion and garlic for mom, I told her that there were about 600 pictures of our Zambales trip. She told me to delete the ugly shots and I told her that I already did. Then she told me to delete the shots that are the same so my computer won't get broken (I keep complaining about how much files my computer holds!) I told her I don't want deleting photos since you'll never know when you'll need 'em. I decided not to continue the conversation with my mom since it seemed pretty pointless at that point. However, I did continue it with myself.

No two photos are alike. One photo could have half an inch bigger of a smile than the other, a centimeter more of eyes opening up or even a little more twinkle from the lights in the background. I like keeping all the photos, although they are very similar at first glance, because each of it is unique and each of it captures a unique moment. If I keep one, I will just remember the moment that that single photo captured but if I keep everything in the series of "look alike" photos, I could see the movement, the emotions, the difference between the seconds of shutter. Definitely a lot more than one photo can offer.

Moments in life worth remembering come by so quick and it is such a privilege to catch some of those moments on camera. If you were given that privilege, would you delete that? I wouldn't. Although my laptop is begging that I give up some of those moments (and I do sometimes HAVE TO give in), I still try my very best to keep everything... even resorting to burning files, acquiring hard drives or uploading to private albums.

This would have been a good conversation but it never did happen... outside my head at least. I continued to chop onions and garlic as I was told to do. But now you can tell my mom what the five minutes of silence was all about.

THEORY: Dreams

This post has been postponed long enough.

I am such a dreamer. Its quite shocking since I am such a structured person that dreams don't seem to fit in my personality. But surprise, surprise, a dreamer I am.


Dreams are our piece of heaven while we're on earth. For me at least. I like to think that our heaven is something we create, the place we find wonderful (I think this idea came up since i just read the book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom) and I think when we dream, we create a portion of that wonderland. I find joy in knowing that something better is always ahead and dreams are our peek into that. Dreams make us feel our journey is for something worthwhile.

I think its because of this thinking that I am such a sucker for happily-ever-after flicks. I am drawn to Disney movies because you know that no matter what the hero or heroine encounters, it will all turn out alright. It feels good to know that good will always triumph over evil, that someone out there that you'll find by some magical force, will hold your hand as you both make meaning of your lives and that a random burst of song can make everything clearer. I hold on to believing that everyone learns from their mistakes, that like the characters in the movies, we become wiser after all that we've been through. And that everything has a purpose for being in our lives... that everything happens so that we can get a step closer to where we are meant to be. That losing our shoe will lead us to our true love, that giving up your voice to an evil witch for legs will turn out fine in the end, that trusting a fish with short term memory loss will get you to your missing son. Its this assurance of a happy ending that makes me believe that it just might be true for me, too.

But I don't think I'm a total looney. I've heard of people who actually lived the dream and I couldn't be happier for them. As silly as it sounds, I feel tears in the corners of my eyes when I learn about such stories - be it from an autobiographical movie, an awards show speech, a tv special or even a friend telling her story. I just watched Justin Bieber's Never Say Never and although I am not a fan, I found myself tearing up for this little kid who is making his dreams come true. I also found myself tearing up as I watched the different fashion bloggers walk down the runway during the Candy Fashion show. These girls started with nothing but a passion for beautiful clothes and there they are now, showing the world that everything was worth it (it helped that Tricia Gosingtian's blog name was that I suddenly thought about dreams coming true). I'm not sure if its the music, the dramatic slow motion or the relationship I have with the person but I know that theres something in knowing that these things actually happened. They make my belief in dreams a whole lot more concrete. They really do come true... and this person, this actress, this friend is my living proof.

I am determined to make my dream come true. What that dream is is a bit scattered as of now but when it all becomes clear, with all my blood, sweat and tears I will make it happen. I am blessed that I have someone to hold my hand while I try to reach the horizon and that I have a family who will assure me that if I'm wrong, if I make mistakes I can always try again.

One day, I wish to look back on this post and say that I was right. That while I reread this 5, 10, 50 years from now, I could say I didn't believe in some made up idea of people who had their heads in the clouds. That it took me a lot to get to where I am now but I finally did get to where I am supposed to be. That I might've lost a shoe, that I might've trusted in the wrong people, that I might've made wrong choices a long the way but I did find my true love, I did find my missing piece and I did what I set out to do. That at this point of life, I am my living proof that dreams come true and that the people around me will have something concrete to hold on to just like what the people I looked up to gave to me.

But until then, I'll be keeping my eyes wide awake and the road ahead is looking pretty good. ;)

THEORY: Heroes

I was never a fan of action, fantasy or sci-fi movies. The closest I ever get to a hero figure are the prince charmings or the brave heroines in Disney adventure movies. However, there is always an exception and in my case... its Spiderman.

I didn't like spidey right away. The first time I watched the movie (with Tobey Maguire), I didn't pay much attention. It was only after a year or two that I sat down and watched the movie seriously and appreciated what being Spiderman meant. Unlike other heroes, Spiderman was very human. Besides webs blurting out of his wrists, he's pretty normal. No bat caves, super cool cars or sidekicks like Batman and he doesn't have anything to do with out of this world stuff like Kryptonite from Superman. I don't know much about any of the other heroes so I might be making my judgements without proper basis but the argument I just presented  will do for now.

Anyways, I like how Spiderman is dorky and insecure without his tight fitting costume on and how he deals with money problems, love and job stability (I'm not sure if the other heroes go through this, too tho). It helps that I love how Kirsten Dunst looks (I am not very impressed with her acting but she has one of those one-of-a-kind faces) and how she plays Peter Parker's Mary Jane.

However, as do all action movies, there must be villains and outrageous ones at that - I mean Doctor Octopus, Sandman? Oh dear. And of course there must be fight scenes (amazingly choreographed, insert music... oh wait music already inserted!) The fighting scenes just ruin the movie for me since I love all the other storylines in Spiderman... but it is an action movie first and foremost so the romance and self identity issues will always have to take a back seat to testosterone filled fight scenes.

Before I take back my admiration for Spiderman, let me share this awesome song that comes with the movie (which is the reason I suddenly thought of writing this post.)

*I wonder how Peter Parker got so buff, tho. Wasn't he dorky and pushed around before he became Spiderman? Must be some work out routine. ;P

THEORY: Covers

The theory is that everyone can sing... including me.

I'm absolutely addicted to this song after hearing it at the Candy Fashion Show earlier today. I watched it online and after watching other versions of it, I decided to make a cover. Its more of a challenge on my editing know how rather than my singing talent (which I admittedly do not have). I've seen tons of singer wanna be's online who rely so much on editing softwares to make their voice sound a tad better and I thought I should give it a try.

I recorded 3 versions already and so far all of 'em are too terrible for my editing skills to handle. I did one with a  falsetto, one with a deep voice (which I thought would be easier since I have a deep voice) and one with my natural voice. They had a slight hint of tune but that was it! I was awkwardly out of beat and I couldn't hit the right notes (that is if I even know what note to hit in the first place).

However, determination is what will bring me places and determined I am to get this cover done. Summer has just began and although it is already jam packed with activities of sorts, I will make sure I make time to make this cover happen... and when it does, it will make its online debut right here.

Hoorah to determination and auto tuned voices! :D