I'm constantly trying to rewire my brain to care less or not care at all about what other people think. I convince myself that they're jealous or insecure or that for them to be pulling me down just proves that I'm above them and all that stuff just so I won't feel bothered about all the things they have to say but this, like everything else, is easier said than done.

I like to believe (and I do believe) that I'm just doing what I should be doing and I'm doing it the only way I know how. I am not like others and others are not like me so our way of going about things is obviously going to be different. I know sometimes I try to make things work my way but I know when it isn't my boat to be captain of. And when I am a mere crew member I back off and let whoever is in charge call the shots. I think this is only proper and what everyone deserves. I just hope other people realize that, too. Because no matter how different we may be and how different we do things, respect only has one face and I expect that I get the amount of it that I deserve.

I don't want to proclaim that I have never stepped on some toes before because I may have (although I swear they were unintentional). I'm just a very driven person and always want the best in everything I do... so sometimes I like to do more than what is assigned to me and that may offend the leader (and for that, I am sincerely sorry). I have never felt being the captain of the ship with a crew member trying to throw me overboard... that is until now. I feel my place as captain is under attack and I do not know how to respond appropriately. I want to be nice but I'm not nice... and being nice isn't the most logical thing to do when one is under attack (although the saying does say that one must throw bread to those who throw stones). I'm still processing everything and I admit that my decision making is a bit unreliable now since my mind is mostly clouded with annoyance and irritation.

I'm trying to be the better person and continue to respect people who do not seem to know what that is. Maybe by showing them a lot of it, some of it might rub off on them. Who knows? That's the least I could do. Besides, being catty isn't something I've learned over the years and I don't plan to learn now. Its a "skill" that wouldn't take me anywhere good or be of any use in the future (but I wonder why many seem to have invested a lot of time mastering it... oh well).

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