Ramblings of a Lunatic

I don't where to begin. And this is not like me... because I always know where to begin, where I stand and where I am going. Now, all I can do is cry. Cry like stupid. Cry and know that it won't bring me anywhere but to the very place I'm in. But I'll cry because as of now, that's all I'm capable of doing. Because, before, when I feel like my problem is too big or too heavy for me, I come running to you to talk, to make me feel better and amazingly, that helps. I can't explain it but while I cry and talk to you, the problem seems lighter and easier to conquer.

But now, I don't have you. I try to remind myself not to call you and cry on the other end of the phone as you sing me a song or deliver a joke. Because, now, my problem is you. Its weird because the world has millions of  people and many times before you helped me fight against them... but now that the world seems to be on my side and you are on the other, it appears that this battle is far more difficult to overcome.

And the worst part  is that I really know why I can't win this battle... its because I don't really want to fight you. Because truth is, I love you with all my heart and it breaks even more that you are the one who broke it. That you are the reason I'm crying right now. You are the reason even the world won't help me win this battle I have with how much I want to punch you and how much I want to hold you and never let you out of my life.