STORY: Emotion Control

I am not the most emotional of people. I like to believe that I am able to control my feelings, well at least, control how I express them. I can stop myself from laughing too hard, stop myself from shouting at the person I'm irritated with or stop myself from crying when I'm sad. I think its a skill that one has to develop and not everyone learns it. And I'm not saying that one should learn how to fake their feelings, I'm just saying that one should learn how to control expressing them. You don't want to react inappropriately, do you? I mean you can't laugh hysterically at a wake when someone beside you decides to crack a joke or you can't start shouting at someone when you are at someone else's party, right? You need to learn how to control your reactions, your expressions.

But I guess there is a down side to mastering this skill. Sometimes you end up wondering if you are just controlling your expressions or already controlling how you feel. Actually, its even scarier when you think you've learned to not feel at all. So for people like me who tend to go that level, we try our best to balance it out (well, for me at least). I try to be human (as many people have teased me with which is actually more hurtful than funny) and express myself. I try to laugh and not care and I try to cry when I feel bad. And when I tried to cry my heart out last night, surprise, surprise, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sure my eyes got puffy and my head hurt like crazy but my heart felt lighter and my mind was at peace for a minute there. Because when I just cried and not think if it was appropriate or helpful to the situation, I released myself from a ton of worries. And it felt good. And though at the back of my head I was still thinking that crying won't help me solve my problems, I also thought that it did help me somehow. It got me through the night and allowed me to see another day with fresh eyes. I am able to think clearly when i woke up and face my problems better and calmer. And now that another day has ended with my problem still not fully resolved, allow me to cry this night away again. Don't worry I'm not depressed, I'm actually better than I have been in the last 48 hours. This is just me learning to master the skill of emotion release... you know, since  it might come in handy sometime soon. (Yes, yes, I know I'm weird).

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