STORY: Tug of War

I'd like to think happiness is a simple concept to grasp. You find something that makes you feel good, something that inspires you and something that makes you want to greet the sun another day... then you grab it and never let it go. But it isn't simple at all. And its sad because everybody deserves to be happy. Life is too short for one to be unhappy. But I guess that's just the way it is.

In reality, only a few are blessed with the privilege of finding their happiness and being able to have it and keep it. Actually, the finding part is tricky but is the easiest part of the entire process. The real problem lies in the next two steps, grabbing it and keeping it. A lot of things get in the way, sometimes (actually, most times), its even ourselves. And its such a weird situation since you can't find the reasons why you would stop yourself from being happy but you do this to yourself still. You cry and scream. You pray and curse. You go crazy because you are in a tug of war with yourself. And its the kind of war you can't hide from or ignore because you have to live with yourself. You have no choice. Its a situation that drives people crazy really and only the strongest survive.

When this happens to other people, we preach that happiness is a choice. But it isn't that easy and you only realize that when you go through it yourself. You realize that no matter how many times you say you want to be happy, its a feeling you can't dictate. In desperate attempts to escape depression, you try to fake it. You smile and act like everything is okay but you know that you're still sad and hurt and it drives you crazy even more. Fact is, trying to make happiness a choice just made you even more sad, more depressed and more at a lost.

I liked it better when tug of war was a game I played against a bunch of people I'd like to see dive into the mud. It was easier and much more fun. When you get into fights with the other team, you just go your separate ways. Plus the mess of the game can be washed away with a blast of water. But I guess life has other plans and it isn't going to get any simpler soon. And at 20, I'm still just fully figuring that out.

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