STORY: Mean Girl

This post will sound so mean but I bet most, if not everyone, has thought of this at some point. I just had to share it, put it out there... 'cause I don't really like it staying inside me any longer.

"I want you to fall in love with me just so I know I can be loved"

For the past weeks, months even, I have this soft voice whispering in my heart that keeps chanting the above line. I ignore it, I try to cover it up with other thoughts, but it won't go away. Its irritating, its frustrating, and most of all its terrifying. I mean, its such an evil thought and its something that breeds inside me. Wouldn't that make you afraid of yourself?

Before you go into parent mode and start telling me how wrong this desire is, you have to know that I do not deny it. I know I'm not thinking of what the person who falls in love will feel. I know that this is very selfish. I know that this is plain wrong. I know, okay? I do. Don't worry. I don't have any plans of putting this thought into action anyway. I don't even have a person in mind. It actually doesn't matter who the person is, its just the thought of having someone fall in love with you, the feeling that you still are lovable, the reassurance that you have not become someone that somebody has to put up with... that's all I'm looking for. 

But I guess I'm never going to find it lest I want to be the mean girl I told myself I never will be.

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