STORY: Quarter Life Crisis

When life loses its meaning, you're as good as dead. Come to think of it, it's actually worse because you actually get to see yourself suffer.

I know this is such a morbid topic but not all thoughts and experiences are happy. And I'm pretty sure a lot of other people have gone through the same thing, so it's perfectly fine that I blog about this. Someone should.

I'm at a point in my life when I just don't see the value of anything. I don't see any reason to still be alive. I know, I know, there are millions of people out there who are struggling to hold on to dear life... which is just perfect because I'm more than willing, at this very moment, to give up mine for them. I mean, just basing on our will to live, they deserve life more than I do. If I were to die, I'd prefer it to be now, when I wouldn't have anything to leave behind.

I'm not fooling around. I'm serious. I'm even searching on how to be an organ donor just in case God hears my wishes and grants it. At least, as I leave the world, I was able to help someone else live.

I think this is called Quarter Life Crisis. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore and I don't know where I want to go. At least from childhood 'til I reach 20, I had school to keep me motivated. I had a finish line that kept me going which was to graduate. Now that I've ticked that off the list, I don't really have much left in my  to-do list. And if ever I do have some items left, I don't see value in doing them. I mean, so what if I learn a new language? If I climb a mountain? If I travel the Philippines? None of the items on the list has got me excited or motivated. I feel everything is pointless.

If I were to die now, I don't have any enemies I have to make peace with (well, none that I am aware of), I don't have people depending on me, nor do I have any dreams I still wish to fulfill. This is the perfect time. I think I am satisfied with all the blessings given to me and I really do not mind not getting any more of it. Other people would be more grateful and worthy to receive the blessings that would have been for me. So please, while I'm ready, while I have nothing more to live for, please let me return the life You have lent me.

No comments: