THEORY: With All Honesty

Back in grade school, I always thought of myself as a poet. Of course my idea of poetry was getting a story across while managing to make the last word of every line to rhyme. Fast forward to today, I still think I am a poet, a frustrated one, but a poet still. And though I know that poetry is way more than just rhyming words, I still find myself drawn to those that do


Today, as I was composing my twitter update, I accidentally made the first two sentences of it rhyme. And from that, I just kept going and I find myself here in my blog talking about it and (in a while) sharing it.


Here it goes.


With All Honesty


Why must you be so important to me? 
Oh, never did I plan for this to be.
I thought love was simple, t'was you and me
but things took a turn that I didn't foresee 


You made me feel sensations so brand new
What indescribable joy when with you
And though I soar higher than ever before
The world of disappoint I'm forced to explore


Is this not torture, simply well disguised?
You made my heart burn yet left it iced
How I've come to despise, you, I adored
What burden, what confusion, Oh why Lord!

As you taught me love, I also learned hate
I doubted things as you spoke of this faith
I held you and grew skeptic of the world
Oh how I've become this poor insecure girl

Why must you be so important to me?
That my love has become crazy, madly
Believe that I did not will this to be
But some things are bigger, stronger than me

But let it be clear that I love you so
That I must say goodbye to your hello
And its breaking my heart, can you not see?
How to save you, I shall set you free.

---

This isn't master poetry, I know. No need to tell me. But really, I bared my soul here and I think I put into words what many girls (and boys) feel yet refuse to admit. 

It is an embarrassment, a shame, to admit that we are the clingy one, that we may be the one who gets left behind, that we may be the one with less to offer. In one way or another, we have felt inadequate, others more often, others more extreme... but we have felt it all the same. And in a world where confidence is emphasized, and self pity is left with no room, we are forced to brush these feelings of inadequacy and put on a brave face. Its not that there is anything wrong with this idea of always putting on a strong facade, but feelings are there for a reason. And if it is not to be flaunted, it is at least to be understood. But how can one do that when everyone is hiding, everyone is denying, everyone puts up a mask?

I think somehow, to some girl (or boy) feeling insecure out there tonight, I have become a friend... someone who understands what she is going through without her having to reveal that she feels the same. And you know, with that thought, I think I gained a little confidence, a little belief in myself and a few inches worth of smile... and even a little hope that I may be a poet after all. 

No comments: