THEORY: Define Caption

I hate posts where the photo and caption do not relate to each other... at all! I mean, when I type in my captions, I try my very best to make some sort of connection (even if sometimes medyo malayo, you could get at least a hint of logic) but some people just don't understand the definition of caption, do they?

Ano 'to? Pagod ka na magexpose ng film?
Close up

Let me try this, huh? Baka fun e.

Nope, it's not fun.

P.S. Those last two photos are my shots! Nice, noh?

STORY: Faint Encounter

As a kid, I would always practice fainting. I would stand at the edge of my bed, fall backwards and practice where my arms would go, where my head would face and how my hair would spread out. It was because I always saw fainting in the teleseryes the help, my lolas and my mom would watch. The leading lady would be the usual victim of fainting then the hero (out of nowhere) would run to the scene, pick her up and bring her to the hospital. Then, she would wake up in the hospital (all pretty) and thank her knight in shining armor for rescuing her. Also, I always saw fainting as something sexy (weird, noh?) It's the damsel in distress type where you are just helpless and a knight will come to your rescue (but don't get me wrong ah, I am a modern independent woman who doesn't need a man to make her feel complete. Oha, kabog! Yes, I used the word kabog. Pasensya na). Anyway, yesterday I actually experienced fainting for the first time... and it wasn't sexy at all! 

I have been complaining about this pain in my right ear since Friday and last Sunday afternoon, the pain became so unbearable, I ended up with fever. My throat began to hurt as well. I couldn't swallow my food, drinking became more difficult and by the end of Sunday night, I couldn't even swallow my own saliva. During the course of the night, my muscles began to weaken as well. My thighs and legs were shaking and I didn't know why. My dad told me we would go to the doctor tomorrow. He told me he'd bring me to the ER since clinics were closed due to the holiday. 

Come Monday morning, I was feeling even worse. I didn't sleep very well because I kept waking up to drink water since my mouth was drying up due my difficulty with saliva or something. Because I kept drinking, I kept peeing as well. Basta long story short, I didn't sleep well. At around 7am Monday, we went to the ER and we were told that there were no ENTs available due to the holiday. The other doctors could check on me but they could only give me immediate relief. I would still have to come back to be checked by the specialist. We went to two other hospitals and were told the same thing. My mom then remembered that there was an EENT clinic near our place that may be open. When we got there, she was right, the clinic was open. 

I was checked up by  the doctor and was told that there was nothing wrong with my ear. He did tell me that my throat was swollen and was infected that's why there was a lot of pus on it (I know, disgusting!) It was because my throat was swollen that the pressure went up to my ears and made my ears hurt. The doctor was old and took a long time to respond to my mom and I's questions so I was quite annoyed. I was also very weak and tired so my temper was way worse than the usual. I wanted to skip the taray queen from making a scene so I told mom that I would go ahead in the car. She stayed a while longer to talk to the doctor about what medicine I should drink and what I should do.

When I got out of the clinic, I tried to open the gates but the handles were a bit difficult to open so I tried to pull harder and harder. My arms then began to weaken and in a matter of seconds my arms gave way. I couldn't move it anymore! I just stared outside the gate towards the car not knowing what to do. Then I started to bend forward then back, left then right when my knees gave in as well. My vision had gone blurry and next thing I knew I was blacked out and lying on the garage floor with my head rested on the bumper of the car parked inside. I could remember faintly people talking to me but it was exactly like those scenes in the movies where everything is blurred and my vision dips to black every other second. My dad carried me to the car and he told me I wasn't as light as a baby anymore! He wasn't as strong as he was, too. My dad is growing old (Huhu). 

While I was lying in the car, I couldn't remember anything. I just knew I was lying there. I could hear mom tell me to try to stand and she and my brother would assist me in walking. I opened my eyes and felt a bit lost. I was trying to understand where I was and what I was going to do. I tried to get up. I placed my hand around my brother's neck and tried to stand but as I did, it felt like I had no bones! I started to fall down down the sidewalk, dragging my brother with me! It was a good thing my mom caught me! My brother ended up carrying all the way inside the house. I fell asleep right away. The next memory I had was me crying out loud about not being able to move my legs. I swear, it was the scariest thing ever! I seriously couldn't move my legs! I tried to stand but it was like no energy went down to my feet.

The rest of the day was just as worse. I did feel a little better but it was on and off. One minute I would be walking to the fridge, the next minute I would be throwing up what little I have managed to digest. I was a mess.

Even if I'm a modern, independent woman, I still like it when I get swept off my feet by a knight every once in a while and this guy right here never fails to do just that... minsan nga lang overswept, nadadapa na ko!
Jose came to visit though. He brought fruits and Gatorade and guess what... he went up to my room! And my parents were the one who asked him to. How cool and new was that? Hahahaha. Anyway, he sliced the apples and washed the grapes, placed them in a bowl all on his own (well, with my sister Amanda telling him where everything was) just like he lived here. Haha. He stayed beside me the entire time and even ate the Zark's burger dad bought for me! Too bad! I was really excited to finally try one of those famous Zark's burgers but the thought of anything fried made me want to vomit again. When my mom saw me feeling more energized, she blurted out the super gasgas joke, "Yakapsule lang pala katapat mo e!" He left at around 7pm and I was feeling so much better than I finally had some appetite! As soon as he left, I ate rice and sinigang... my first meal for the day! I only ate soup and crackers since morning.

Breakfast in bed. Sopas with medicine on the side
My throat is still hurting but not as much as yesterday. I think the medicine is taking its effect already. Hay. I missed work today since I am not fully well. I'm afraid if I did go to work, I may just throw up in the office comfort room! That would be such an embarrassment now, wouldn't it? Anyway, I better get some rest now if I want to get back to work tomorrow and ready for the anniversary paintball party on Thursday! Bye!

STORY: Mommy Tears

It's really something different when a mother cries. You could feel that is so much deeper than when you do. I don't know if it's just me but when my mom cries, especially regarding family matters, I can't help but cry, too. I know this is so cliche' but no matter how much I rant about my mom, I honestly do love her... very much. And that is why I don't like seeing her sad and not be able to do anything about it, just hurts even more.

My sister was looking at some site the other night on the laptop and my mom was nearby. My sister was shrieking "Oh my!" and "Wow" every time she scrolled down. My mom told me just now that if she could have told Amanda to just stop with the shouting because it was breaking her heart, she would've but she couldn't so she didn't. When mom looked over at what my little sister was so excited about, my mom was crushed. As she was telling me the story, she started to tear up. She said she was very sad she couldn't give my sister what she wants. It was a full blown Hello Kitty room with lights, beds and floors to match. Mom told me she could buy an item or two but a full blown room is beyond what she could afford. Don't get me wrong, my mom is not materialistic nor did she raise any of us to be like that. But she just feels bad that she can't give everything she could (although I never did feel she felt sorry for not giving me what I wanted as I kid! Boohoo!) She feels especially bad when my sisters play with other kids and she sees that their friends have all these stuff she can't buy my sisters. I know it's a petty issue but it hurts all the same.

We aren't the most well off family but it would be false humility to say we were poor. I mean, we could afford to go to private schools, buy computers, pay all the bills, even go abroad and I am completely content with that. But these kids, they don't understand that. When they see something and they can't have it, they cry and they get mad. Although I always knew my sisters were smarter than their tantrums and that my mom would know how to handle them, I never really thought about how my mom felt in those situations all these time.

As she was telling her story about the "Hello Kitty room excitement," it was the first time I ever saw her sad about something where no one actually did any wrong! For the first time, she was like one of the moms in the Disney teen shows I've been watching all my life where the moms are always sad about their child being sad. At last, those moms are not mythical anymore! They are real and I have one and then I'm sad again... because my mom is sad and I don't know what to do right now. Maybe in the future, when I have the means to buy her and my siblings the things they want, maybe I could do something then. But right now, I guess a cake would do? 

STORY: Master of Mash Ups

I stumbled upon these mash-ups online and I can't help being impressed. I mean, putting together two songs seamlessly is already a tough task, but to put 5 or more songs together (and make it sound like one full song) is on a whole other level of difficulty. And they didn't stop there... the creators made a video of it in one continuous take! Yes, one take!

But I guess, the creators wanted to impress even more... because in the next mash up that they made, they not only put together a bunch of songs and shot in one continuous take, they added lyrics on it, too! This video has to be super rehearsed since the lyrics have to be revealed in sync with the singers!

Amazing! Period. (Well, exclamation point)

STORY: Writing Woes

Seriously, I am not as good a writer as I thought I was. I don't mean I ever saw myself as a novelist or the next [insert name of writer you consider great here], but I honestly thought I got all the grammar rules perfected... but *drum roll* I'm wrong yet again.

I backread some of my blogs (vain ko, noh?) and every time I do, I manage to spot a grammatical mistake in at least one of the posts! I can't help but get mad at myself. I mean, couldn't I have at least checked my post before I published them? Now, the few people who could have been readers of my blog never will be... since they see me as a terrible writer. 

It's like I can't do anything right these days... both work and personal matters. (At least I got the "It's" right in this post. How humiliating would it be if people saw all the "It's" I failed to put an apostrophe on. Gaaaaaad, blogspot should shut me down na) 

STORY: Left Behind

I'm depressed. That first line serves as a warning. If you do not want to be dragged down into depression and bad vibes land, then I suggest you move along. Nothing to see here but self pity and insecurity.

I don't belong. I know I've blogged about this before but this time the feeling is more intense. If I had the comfort in the possibility that my imagination was to blame for my being out-of-place before, well now I don't. Now, the feeling of being left out is real... and I can't ignore it any longer.

My co-trainees are all moving forward. Heck, some are even on independent mode already. When they talk about the stuff they do, I wouldn't think of them as trainees. They could very well be in the same line as some of the regular employees here in the office. They are all learning the ropes of the biz so fast that I can't help but compare all the things they have accomplished to the little (close to none) that I have. I am  less exposed and less knowledgeable about anything and everything and everyday this realization scrapes a little of my confidence and self-esteem away. I don't know who to blame so I won't. I'm just going to wallow about my sad reality. I am being left behind.

P.S. And guess what, I even came up with a metaphor to describe this whole situation out. My co-trainees are rivers. They are free flowing bodies of water. They may encounter some rocks along the way but they continue to move forward towards the big blue ocean. I, on the other hand, am a swamp. I am the stagnant body of water that does not move. I am where mosquitoes and rejected zoo reptiles live and breed. I will take a much longer time reaching the ocean, heck, I may never even catch a glimpse of it. I will just have to stand watching the river pass me by and settle with imagining what freedom from the big blue ocean feels like. (And yes, I shared this with my co-trainees and yes, I do believe they see me differently now despite their funny and witty comments trying to ride on with my metaphor. Yes, my life sucked even more after I came up with that metaphor. Yes, it didn't help one bit. Yes, I will stop saying yes. No.)

P.P.S. I was never one to eat the stress and depression away but things have changed. Hello big breakfast, please restore some of my self-esteem, okay?

STORY: Make Room

I redecorated my room... again! After painting my room white with yellow stripes, having shelves installed, having my bed cut short, having my table and shelves painted... I am still not done! Today, with the help (lots and lots of help) from Jose, I changed my room's look once again! 

Some time in 2011
Since Jose introduced me to the wonder of carbon fiber stickers (which he uses for his car), I began to think of a lot of ways where I could use this. After months and months of just thinking of using this material, we finally bought some vinyl stickers (when we got to the shop, I found out there were more than just "carbon fiber" stickers available... so I chose another material, vinyl stickers) last Tuesday and planned on putting them on my furniture this day, Saturday.

I originally planned to buy black. I wanted everything in the room to be black but after imagining it against my yellow and white wall, I rethought the idea. When I saw the turquoise roll in the store, I knew I wasn't leaving the store with black stickers in my hand. I also remembered the color my sister, who I share the room with, wanted. She said she wanted purple and when I saw the shade of purple that one of the rolls came in, I knew I should get it as well. It's a great thing that it went well with the turquoise sticker I already picked out. 

Anyway, Jose had make-up classes today, Saturday, due to the suspension of classes the past week. We had already planned to decorate this day and did not expect he would have the entire morning eaten up. But we pushed through with the plan still. We started at 3:30pm and ended past 7 o'clock. It was tiring but I knew Jose was even more drained than I was. He had already spent 8 hours in school so having to work with me for another 4 hours is really draining. Thanks Jose! I'll just give my best when I help you with your video project next week. :) 

So, how did my room end up looking?

 It ended up looking like a kid's room! Well, it's okay since I do have younger sisters sharing the room with me so it's appropriate. I love how the double deck and cabinet look like a set! The upper bed is custom-made by my dad while the lower bed was custom-made by my lolo. The cabinet was bought a long, long time ago and looked really bad before I changed the design. Heck, the cabinet even looks new!

Vinyl magic! 
I also painted the shelf in my "office" to black. My office looks pretty cramped right now because of my rearrangement but the arrangement makes the rest of the room spacious.

This entire shelf and all of its clutter didn't use to be in this spot. But I took one for the team and allowed my sisters to place their school stuff in my little haven - my office.

My table used to be where the shelf is now. My table used to be the only thing is this tiny, square room but no... I had to rearrange stuff. Haaay.

I'll figure out what I'm going to do about my cramped office next time because for now, I'll just enjoy my turquoise-purple "bedroom set" kuno! :P

I added the purple stripe in the bed so that it would look matchy-matchy with the cabinet!
By the way, my friend commented how the room looks very "disney-ish" which I did not intend to achieve but heck, I'm taking that as a compliment. That was one great accident. :)


She skipped a chance to get free alcohol at an acquaintance's party. She felt she would have felt more awkward than entertained. She had dinner out instead. But she felt old and felt the need to take in something other than her regular soda or juice to confirm her youth. She had two glasses of Margarita - one frozen, one on the rocks. Before that night she didn't even know the difference between the two kinds... actually, before that night she didn't even know that there were kinds. But she chugged that bitter-sour drink and found herself enjoying it. Before that night, she had never went out of her way to get a drink. But she knew she would be having more nights like that... with more empty glasses.

She screamed and cried on the way home. She said almost everything... everything she had kept inside her  for the past months. She didn't think twice about what she was saying. She just said it. Although she cried every time she spoke, she felt relieved. Her eyes started to swell, her eyelids grew heavier, she could hardly open her eyes. What little she could see was blurred by the tears that tried not to fall down her already wet cheeks. She continued to cry. She continued to speak. She did keep one thing to herself though. The alcohol wasn't enough to totally let her guard down. She held back one thing. And when she woke up the next day... sober... she regretted missing out on the chance to finally rid herself of the baggage she had been carrying around for so long. She needed alcohol again... and soon... before that last thought left inside grows into something bigger... something more crippling... something more damaging. 

She is fictional. She wanted you to know that. 

STORY: Intoxicated

For months now, I have been torturing myself (and consequently, the people around me) by keeping these terrible feelings inside me. It's not that I don't want to free these feelings, because I absolutely do. It's just that I don't have anyone to free these feelings to. The people I can talk to won't care and the people who do care aren't really the people I feel most comfortable talking to about these feelings. So, I just end up keeping these feelings to myself and when I can't take it anymore, I act on it by doing crazy stuff... and no one really knows why I do such crazy things but me!

I hate having to suppress myself. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. But I guess the shame and judgment I may get when I do share these feelings will be much worse. When I share my feelings, I may free myself from the burden of keeping secrets but I would just replace it with feelings of embarrassment and self-pity. 

This is such a lose-lose situation... and I'm the one who loses both ways.

P.S. I know I said I don't drink but I have tried drinking a few times. And from the rare times I do take alcohol, I feel free. When the alcohol takes its effect on me, it's like I don't care what others think of the things I say. So I guess, in my case, I need some alcohol to finally be able to share my feelings with these people who do care about me. The problem though is the day after. I may be carefree when I tell them about my feelings but what happens when the alcohol wears off and they now know what I truly feel? What then? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

STORY: 50% Awkward, 50% Embarrassing

So an embarrassing/awkward thing just happened today. I was watching 50/50 on my laptop when a guy opened the door to my office (it's not an office, office. It just so happens that my cubicle has a door) and caught me crying my eyes out. He must have panicked since he got one foot in and then put it right back out and shut the door. I even saw his expression... so yes, I looked at him, which makes me so sure that he did see my red, watery eyes very clearly... with a hanky in hand at that!

Anyway, about the movie. It was nice. I know nice isn't a very positive adjective. Actually, to me it sounds  more neutral than positive but I just can't find a more fitting adjective. The film makes you feel nice in a thank-God-I'm-not-dying-from-cancer way. (You know what, this won't be a very credible review so you could stop reading from this point. Thanks for dropping by). The movie isn't in your face or over dramatic. It was calm and quiet. Actually, even during scenes with dialogues, it still felt silent. The actors all spoke like how people speak in real life. No extravagant scenes where break ups have each party throwing stuff at each other or screaming at each other in the middle of the street. Nor were there extravagant gestures to make a girl fall in love. Everything felt real, like it could have happened to the guy next to me (although I pray to God that doesn't really happen to the guy next to me. Xea if you're reading this, I do not wish for you to have cancer). 

The romance was quite subtle and I found that really sweet. The girl who played the love interest nailed the geeky, awkward vibe (if that was her goal to begin with) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt was just great. For a second, I felt like I had cancer and was going through what he was... not really the physical pain but the emotional stuff that comes with knowing your death may just be a sunrise away. Hello? I was bawling for the last 10 minutes of the film! And Seth Rogen added that hint of comedy that saved this film from being one of those depressing self-pity flicks. The little twist towards the end where Adam (Joseph's character) finds out that his goofy best friend, who appears to care about nothing more than getting laid, is actually going through some emotional stuff because of Adam's condition was nothing short of sweet. 

It's a sweet movie. It didn't change my world or anything like that, but it made me look at the world a little differently for a minute there. And for me, that's all a good movie should do... make people take a second look at the world. 

STORY: The Flu

My hair is messier than usual, my face is as pale as it could be and my outfit didn't even take me a minute to put together (jeans, shirt under a thick hoodie and some chucks - the generic look). Yes, I am sick. 

Of course, as any usual teenager (yes, teenager pa din at 20!) who has access to the internet (particularly Twitter) would do, I have ranted about the sniffles and the coughing (but kept the vomiting out of the 140 characters) and have wished for it to go away. But part of me is actually enjoying being sick. I haven't been sick in a long time and having a valid reason to slow down and do nothing is quite nice. Then I think about the medicine and the icky fluids mom forces me to take, and I take it all back! I hope I get better already!

P.S. My body has yet to accept any food in the last 30 hours. I keep throwing everything back up a few minutes after I eat them! (Sorry for that disgusting image I bet you can't erase) Ugh, I have also showed disgust over Lechon Kawali. Lechon Kawali?! One of my favorite-st food and I showed dislike for it? Hay, go away flu (I think it's the flu) and let me eat like a pig again! 

STORY: Multiply Divides

So, another social networking site has bowed down to Facebook. The news on Multiply "closing shop" (you will see the irony of that statement in a while) is confirmed. If you go visit the site, you will see the banner on top stating that come December 1st, Multiply will turn itself into a full blown online shopping site and will rid itself of all the social networking features (you see the irony now?). 

Anyway, I have long deserted Multiply as I did with Friendster but I can't help but feel more attached to the former. Friendster didn't really do much but turn everyone into attention seeking jejemons who would ask for "testimonials" in exchange of another "testimonial." I cringe right now at the memory of me saying "Pahingi ng testi!" Could I have been any dorkier? Anyway, I didn't really give Friendster a second look when I found out it was going to delete all of my information. I mean, there wasn't much information to delete anyway. But with Multiply, there was information I wanted to save... a lot of information.

Multiply, for the past 4 or 5 years, has served as my storage site. I didn't check on it often (since everyone moved on to Facebook) but it gave me a nice feeling of security knowing that no matter how many times my computer/s would crash, my photos would be safe. I blogged a lot on that site as well. Hard core blogging, I might add. I blogged on that site every single day for two years. I was so into blogging that I seriously never missed a day (heck, I can't even do that here!) On days I fail to log in, I would write down my entry on a piece of paper, the back of my notebook, even a tissue, then type it in once I get the chance. As much as I am aware of all the cringe-worthy blog posts I made, I don't really want to forget any of those stories. Those stories meant something to me at that time (the same way I feel about this post, which I may cringe at 5 years from now) and I want to keep them. The same way I would like to keep all the photos I uploaded - peace signs, terrible haircuts and face-palm-worthy fashion included.

After hearing the news of Multipy shutting down, I immediately went to the site to check it out for myself. And as I logged in to my Multiply account, a got a sudden rush of nostalgia. Browsing through my photos (after I have done a number of cringes and face palms), I came to appreciate how much I've changed... how much I've grown... and I mean that both externally and internally. Not only do I look different (Thank God!) but I also think different. You could sense what I prioritized, what I thought was cool and uncool, what I believed was friendship... what kind of person I was. Although I am still very much embarrassed about the images and text I saw, seeing it gave me a better understanding of the experiences I went through and why things happened the way they did. It is true, you can't really move forward if you forget to look back. The past brings the gift of understanding and the future has high demands of that very thing. 

If it weren't for Multiply, I wouldn't have had the chance to realize all the stuff I just said. So, thanks for that Multiply. It was a good run and I hope you continue to thrive in the cruel online world with bully Facebook taking everyone down. 

P.S. Can you give us, your soon-to-be-ex users, one more gift? Can you come up with a download button that downloads everything all at once? That would be a great farewell gift. Just saying. 

STORY: Visual Kilig

Yes, I am that kilig that I needed to make a visual aid.

I just finished re-watching the entire first season of Awkward (12 20-minute episodes) when I just finished it yesterday... and guess what, I felt kilig all over again! I bet I could go back to the first episode now and still feel kilig about it! This is Lizzie McGuire magic all over again! I re-watched that show (Lizzie McGuire) 5 times and I feel kilig for Lizzie and Gordo each adn every time! Argh. Darn me and my silly teenage fantasies. Haha. Thank God I'm 20 and these fantasies are very well categorized as fantasies in my head... I think. 

STORY: Marathon Halt

I absolutely hate it when I reach the end of a TV marathon. I mean, after 7-8 hours of uninterrupted TV magic, you suddenly stop. You are put to a halt and it's freaking irritating!

Ugh, I just finished watching 12 episodes from Awkward's Season 1 and the first 6 episodes of Season 2. Now, I have to wait until tomorrow for episode 7 to come out. 

It's not like this feeling is new. I've done countless TV marathons, which is pretty evident in this blog, but there is something about Awkward that has got me extra pissed. Unlike the other shows I have marathon-ed (The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, Once Upon A Time), Awkward is a continuous story. Each episode doesn't stand alone. That is why you can't help but feel really excited for the next episode. But there is nothing I can do about it now but wait. Haaaay, and just when things were really getting good.

Anyway, since I'm already ranting about TV, might as well share how excited I am (and frustratingly impatient) for Modern Family and Once Upon A Time's new seasons this September! I'm thinking if I should watch it per week or just wait 'til the season ends so I can watch the episodes one after the other. Then again, I might get too impatient and just end up watching each episode per week then re watching all of it by the end of the season! Haaaay, TV. You little box of light that suck out all the intelligence left in me just seem to keep coming up with brilliant work these days. Keep it up! I don't mind going mindless if these shows are the cause! Kidding (not).

THEORY: Give Me Some Drama

I don't want to sound like a ____________, but I'm just going to be honest with my myself. Sometimes I wish my love life had more color. Sometimes I wish it was much more exciting and had lots of twists and turns just like what I see on TV, specifically in Awkward (since I am doing a marathon of it and it's what triggered my shallow wish). But I don't want it to be as scandalous though, oh goodness, never will I wish for it to be scandalous. I just want a story that isn't very linear, a story that builds up before it reaches the happy ending. 

I know a lot of people would call me stupid and ungrateful for wishing my love life turned out differently. I mean, a lot of people have expressed envy about me getting things right the first time (so far) and not having to deal with a bunch of douchebags along the way. But can you blame me for wanting a little, uhm, spice? Do not get me wrong, I am happy with where I am and with who I am with now but I just wonder what kinds of stories I would be able to tell during high school reunions in the future. If things go the way they are going, I am going to have only one story to tell. And that's a wonderful thing - a little boring - but still wonderful.

I guess I'm just going to have to leave all the drama for TV and keep my life, specifically my love life, drama free. Actually, I do have some drama (a lot of drama) in my love life which I am still trying to recover from but that isn't the kind of drama I had in mind when I typed in the first paragraph of this post. I was imagining an "external" drama not drama within the relationship... but that's ancient history. That's a story, although filled with spice, I am not willing to tell. 

THEORY: Awkward Awesomeness

I have discovered a new TV gem - MTV's Awkward. Well, it's actually my co-trainees who discovered it and introduced it to me... so I thank them for that.

Anyway, the show is about an awkward 15-year-old girl and her daily struggles with high school, friends, love and life in general. It sounds typical but the way the show is treated makes all the difference. It's more mature and somehow indie-like. Also, the lead stars, Jenna, Matty, Jake and Sadie, all blend well and make the story all the more interesting.

I haven't felt kilig over a show in a long time and that was what really made me love the show. My heart would pound and I would try to control my shrieks during scenes of Jenna and Matty or Jenna and Jake. It's how the show treated the romance that makes you root for either of the two love interests of the lead star. It's not too in your face as with other teen shows. The show lets the romance build up organically. The viewer feels the romance grow along with the characters. Ugh, I can't explain it... watch it na lang! You won't regret it. 

Matty (Beau Mirchoff), Jenna (Ashley Rickards) and Jake (Brett Davern)

It also helps that they have this super gwapo guy playing Matty! He may be playing the popular jock but those eyes make him look as vulnerable as a puppy!

I just finished watching Season 1 and am currently downloading episodes from Season 2. I must say, the season finale just left me itching to get started on the next season... too bad download is taking so long! 

THEORY: Prayer Power

My prayers day and night these past weeks all revolve around acceptance.

I just can't help but feel like a fish out of water these days. I can't seem to get anything right. I'm trying, I seriously am. But still, I fall short of [name]'s expectations. So I'm resorting to some prayer power. 

I hope that one day I'll find my place. I hope one day I'll find acceptance in this new pond with this tough fish for royalty. 

THEORY: Banker

Sometimes I think of eating my words. Sometimes I feel I believed the wrong things all these times. Sometimes I wish I made different choices. Sometimes... I imagine myself working in a BANK*.

And then I sit still, look at myself in the mirror and say, "No, dear. Do not give up. The tough times won't last forever but sitting behind a desk doing the same things over and over will (well, will feel like forever)."

Oh God, I know it's just been two months but I am really looking forward to the time when things will feel easy (notice I used FEEL not GET? Well, I am not looking for something easy, I am looking for something I understand). I hope somewhere in my future You have created a reality where I am able to be good at what I do. I'm not rushing it because I know timing is everything but can I at least have a little sense of what I'm doing and where I'm going?

I'll be keeping my palms together and praying You say yes to my prayer. 

*I have nothing against bankers, I swear! Its just not for some people... and by some people, I mean me.

STORY: Pakwan This Sheet

Warning: All writing rules shall be thrown out the window. Will just rant about stuff before it sucks out all the self-respect I have in me.

Grabe, I just want to cry. Full blown hawak-sa-pader-sliding-down-slowly kind of cry. Its just that I'm stuck  in this position where I just have to take each blow. I can't fight back nor can I avoid getting hit. I just have to stand there, in place, and wait to be hit. And each day that goes by, my body is becoming more fragile and the hits begin  to sting more.

I shall try to make up cuss words since 'nice words' do not seem to suffice, okay? Tengener, "You don't have to pretend to be smart" E pano kung di ako nagprepretend? Bawal maging matalino? "You have to be articulate, you have to share your thoughts" And pagnagshashare nagmamagaling na trying hard maging smart. Pakwan this sheet naman yan oh, ano ba talaga? 

I apologize for the grammatical difficulties of the past paragraph. I am working on that episode of terrible writing to never reappear in this blog again. Kbye, back to regular programming.