STORY: Mommy Tears

It's really something different when a mother cries. You could feel that is so much deeper than when you do. I don't know if it's just me but when my mom cries, especially regarding family matters, I can't help but cry, too. I know this is so cliche' but no matter how much I rant about my mom, I honestly do love her... very much. And that is why I don't like seeing her sad and not be able to do anything about it, just hurts even more.

My sister was looking at some site the other night on the laptop and my mom was nearby. My sister was shrieking "Oh my!" and "Wow" every time she scrolled down. My mom told me just now that if she could have told Amanda to just stop with the shouting because it was breaking her heart, she would've but she couldn't so she didn't. When mom looked over at what my little sister was so excited about, my mom was crushed. As she was telling me the story, she started to tear up. She said she was very sad she couldn't give my sister what she wants. It was a full blown Hello Kitty room with lights, beds and floors to match. Mom told me she could buy an item or two but a full blown room is beyond what she could afford. Don't get me wrong, my mom is not materialistic nor did she raise any of us to be like that. But she just feels bad that she can't give everything she could (although I never did feel she felt sorry for not giving me what I wanted as I kid! Boohoo!) She feels especially bad when my sisters play with other kids and she sees that their friends have all these stuff she can't buy my sisters. I know it's a petty issue but it hurts all the same.

We aren't the most well off family but it would be false humility to say we were poor. I mean, we could afford to go to private schools, buy computers, pay all the bills, even go abroad and I am completely content with that. But these kids, they don't understand that. When they see something and they can't have it, they cry and they get mad. Although I always knew my sisters were smarter than their tantrums and that my mom would know how to handle them, I never really thought about how my mom felt in those situations all these time.

As she was telling her story about the "Hello Kitty room excitement," it was the first time I ever saw her sad about something where no one actually did any wrong! For the first time, she was like one of the moms in the Disney teen shows I've been watching all my life where the moms are always sad about their child being sad. At last, those moms are not mythical anymore! They are real and I have one and then I'm sad again... because my mom is sad and I don't know what to do right now. Maybe in the future, when I have the means to buy her and my siblings the things they want, maybe I could do something then. But right now, I guess a cake would do? 

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