THEORY: Fear The Familiar

Sometimes, I fear the very thing that makes me feel safe. It's crazy that I am able to feel contradicting feelings  at the same time, but I guess that's life for you. 

I fear the familiar as much as I love how safe it makes me feel. Am I alone in this insanity? I mean, in a world of chaos, we struggle to find something that makes sense, something we understand, something we've seen before. But after that struggle, after we've found that safe, familiar haven, it gets scary. This haven begins to become a world on its own. Because we are afraid of going back into the chaotic, complicated and unpredictable world, we start to fall deeper into this small haven we've created for ourselves. It's fine at first, but how long until we forget how life is outside this place? How long until we've lost any motivation to move forward? How long until we end up contented with where we are and just wait until things end on its own? 

I don't want to forget, I don't want to stay still, and I most definitely do not want things to just die without even giving a shot at living. But I'm torn. I'm afraid if I risk going out of my little haven, I may never find this peace and security again. I've seen many people struggle to be where I am, so this haven must really be all that, right? Am I crazy to be even thinking of giving it up? But what if this is just fear speaking to me? What if it's just my scared self clinging on to the familiar that's holding me back from a better haven out there? 

I don't know. I've mustered enough courage to ask the questions, but I don't think I'm ready for the answers just yet.

I just remembered this song by Katherin McPhee, I Had It All, as I typed in this blog entry. In no way is this reflective of my life ah! Theory 'to! The song just shares the same sentiments as me. The persona is afraid of settling, that's why she's trying to find something better out there, at the same time she's afraid of finding out that "better" was already there from the start.



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