THEORY: Tucked Away

This is getting crazy... too crazy.

I have too many emotions than I know what to do with. I am going back and forth, feeling happy and sad, safe and scared, loved and betrayed, all with just a few minutes to transition. My mind is trying to cope with the chaos of it all but my heart seems to be giving up. I guess it's not in it's best shape to keep up.

I want to say that it doesn't bother me, that I don't feel sad, that I don't think about it more than I should, but I'd be lying. But lie I still do. So now, I end up telling the truth to myself and my blog. So, all the tears I kept from rolling down my cheeks in front of you are now creating a small puddle in my pillow. 

I try to forget everything that bothers me when I leave my room. I leave my depression there in my bed, tucked away from the world, so I can function like a normal person. So as I fake my joy, I unintentionally do find myself laughing and having a great time with people I meet through my day, including you. I find myself singing a song out loud and holding your hand as we head home as if nothing is wrong... and it that moment nothing is. 

But then, I reach home, tired from the day, so eager to jump into the bed and sleep, and meet my depression once again. I cry it all out, as much as my tear ducts can handle, and sleep... and forget, even for just a little while. Then I wake up the next morning, tuck that disgusting pile of negativity, insecurity and sadness away, and put on my best smile and try to make it through another day.

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