STORY: Shiny, Sheer and Snakeskin

I am quite shocked at how willing Jose is to take my photos these past few times. He always grumbles when I even just bring up taking my photos. I don't know what changed his mind but I ain't complaining!

Anyway, The Landmark really is a treasure island for girls like me. I'm not really a spender on clothes, although I do have a few exceptions here and there when it is okay to splurge. But if I chance upon a really cute piece and see that the price tag is way lower than I would expect, I don't think twice about purchasing it. An example is the sheer snakeskin top I'm wearing. Would you think that this top came from a department store? What's even greater is that I found this only piece hidden in some forgotten rack... which means there are less chances of bumping into another girl wearing the same top!

STORY: DIY Lace Vest

I bought this lace vest from a friend's online shop about two years ago and have not worn it since. I don't know why I bought it in the first place, I guess I just thought it was a really nice item to have. Anyway, after years of storage, I decided to bring it out and fix it. The vest had sleeves and shoulder pads and I suspected that that was what was keeping me from wearing the piece. So, I grabbed some scissors and snipped away.

And the result...

STORY: Green, Gray and Grunge

I keep saying I don't like to blog about fashion because, let's be honest, I really have no clue what's fashionable and not. But somehow, no matter how many times I say I don't know what I'm doing, I find myself feeling really nice when I like what I put on. I feel especially nice when photographs capture how good I'm feeling.

STORY: Facebook Name

I have been procrastinating the entire day. No exaggerations, literally the whole day! I told myself I would do this thing due on Monday, since it is a holiday today and I had nothing planned. But as my lazy self should have predicted, I kept putting the task off until midnight. Now, I'm too sleepy to think properly (yet I can still blog) which only means I have successfully put the entire day to waste!

It's quite amazing how everything becomes so much more interesting when you are avoiding something! Imagine, I clipped my nails that didn't needed clipping, I watched YouTube videos of celebrities leaving restaurants, and refreshed Facebook about a hundred times. Yes, I was that desperate to put the task off.

STORY: F the Formula!

It's sad that in this day and age, there are more and more formulas for everything.

I know formulas are supposed to simplify our life and make things easy. Hey, check 9gag out for example. After scrolling through a few posts, you could very well be a funny person just by following meme formulas. But these same formulas also create restrictions. If a formula becomes accepted and embraced by the public, it becomes very hard to come up with something new or try something new. You could only imagine how many memes didn't reach the hot page because it was new.

Anyway, this post is about something far more relevant than 9gag (although 9gag has proven itself relevant in its own way as evidenced by the countless hours it has saved me from boredom). This post is about life and how even the broadest of all topics can be narrowed down to a single formula. Let me show you.

Your life is the orange bar. Your parents' is the one above yours and your kid's below yours.

STORY: Restless Soul

I want to cry right now but I won't. I don't want to be defeated by this. Rather than sob about it, I'll blog the feelings away.

For the past months I have been feeling out of place. And not the social out-of-place kind where you can't figure how to join in on a conversation (although I have had my fair share of that kind of being out-of-place), but the existential out-of-place kind where you don't know where you belong. 

I have been displaced for quite sometime now and I honestly thought at the beginning that it would just be a matter of time until I find out what position I am best fit for. But as the weeks passed by, it has become clearer and clearer that the reason I still have not found that "position" is because the position does not exist! That I am displaced because there is no place for me! That I am a round puzzle piece being forced to fit into a square. That I am really dead weight.

This feeling of floating around, being passed to and fro is torture! I feel so small having to beg (well, sort of) for something to do and having people dismiss me more times than I could bare. I'm confused. I do not know what the problem is. I do not know why I have yet to find my place. It's like I'm going through puberty again. It's like I'm a lost tween figuring out my place in the world. I've been through that confusing phase of life already, I do not intend to go through it again. 

Please, if I should go to heaven or hell, let the judgment be placed upon me. That would be better than having me wander around like a restless soul bound to haunt the earth for the rest of eternity... well, until November 20. If I am fit for this place, then please give me something that makes me feel like I am part of this. But if the sad truth is that I do not belong here, then I'd rather have you let me go than keep me trapped and... well, restless.

THEORY: I Don't Forget

I'm not ready. I've tried to face this situation head on so many times already and I fail each time. I don't think I will ever be ready. I don't even think I can take anymore. I don't think I want to take any of it anymore. I tried though. I honestly gave it my best shot but I guess that's as far as I can go. 

I'm not ready. I still cry at the thought of everything and knowing that I'm entering unsafe territory again is bringing back so many fears to the surface.

I keep saying that rather than figure out a solution, I should just forget... and for a moment I truly thought I did. But no. I never forget, I just get distracted. And distractions can only last for so long. Distraction is over and tomorrow, I'll have to remember everything again. I'm not ready to remember just yet. I don't think I ever will be.  

THEORY: Here We Go Again

I keep telling myself that things will become easier, that things will eventually fall back into place, that things will go back to normal... but I'm starting to accept that I'm just fooling myself. 

I've been going through this vicious, draining and tiring cycle for almost a year now and it shows no sign of ending anytime soon. I keep telling myself when a cycle is about to end that this will be the last time, that I've learned to deal with it, that I have figured out a way to go about this situation. But so far, no last time ever did become the last. I go through the cycle over and over and over again! And every time I go through it, I am scraped off a little bit of my sanity. 

I want to escape, seriously. Sometimes I think that maybe I want the pain. Maybe I'm stuck because I'm some sort of sadist that enjoys pain being inflicted on me... but no, I'm not that kind of crazy. I am not enjoying this pain, and I am most definitely not enjoying inflicting pain on others along the way (who I unfortunately do hurt as I go through these cycles)! So, no. I do not want this... at all! I want this insanity to end. I want things to go back to how they used to be. I want my sane, safe, happy self back. I want to wake up from this nightmare already because right now, it feels like I just keep waking up to the same nightmare over and over. I mean, even Inception had a finite number of layers, right? I'm bound to wake up eventually, right? Just wondering how many layers more until I get back to the real world. 

But until I get out of this cycle, until I wake from this nightmare, I'll have to put a brave face on and suck it... because tomorrow, the cycle begins once again. 

STORY: I Cried For A Stranger

I'm an "obsesser." I tend to fixate on things I find interesting or attractive. Sometimes, my obsession is beneficial like when I became fixated with learning Photoshop, Illustrator and Premiere, but sometimes, my obsession is disadvantageous. My obsessions make me lose it... lose my brain and lose my moolah. And that particular case when my obsession just took over my body was when I found out Zac Efron was coming to Manila! I just tossed all thinking out the window and spent five thousand pesos on Penshoppe to snag one of those VIP tickets! (Never mind that I didn't really like the stuff I bought!) 

I'm not a super fan - the type of fan who knows all the personal information about Zac Efron (I was like that with Lindsay Lohan and the Sprouse twins though). I am more of the admirer fan. The type who just loves the book for its cover. Naman. With that good looking a cover, do you really need to read the book  to be sold? 

Anyway, days leading to the Fan Conference held by Penshoppe, my heart would race at the thought of it. I kept imagining how it would feel to be within a few feet from ZAC EFRON. I needed to capitalize his name just in case you do not understand how big of a deal it is. This is Zac Efron. THE Zac Efron. Waaaaaaah.

STORY: Finally, Pinoy Cinema!

Oh my! I have forgotten about my promise to blog about The Mistress! Well, I have a bunch of other experiences on the line up to blog about but I guess this was a promise I made to myself and I should honor it. 

The Mistress is the latest John Lloyd-Bea film to come out and though it falls under the same league of Sarah Geronimo, Kim Chiu or Toni Gonzaga romantic-comedy-drama films, this film definitely isn't your typical Pinoy film (although there were still some hints of it, like the unnecessary comedienne sidekicks/best friend and "oooh-burn" lines exchanged out of nowhere)

STORY: The Perks Of Joining The Bandwagon

I finally caught The Perks of Being A Wallflower last night and before you go pointing fingers at me saying I'm just joining the bandwagon, then let me be the first to tell you, yes, you are right, I did join the bandwagon. Happy? 

I didn't really intend to see this film. I've seen the trailer countless times in cinemas during previews and I wasn't intrigued by it at all. I found it boring and formulaic. It's the typical coming-of-age film where you have a troubled/outcast lead who eventually realizes life is better than he thought. Just add in some odd ball friends and good looking mean, popular kids and you've got your next big hit! 

But the reviews kept pouring in and I couldn't help but listen. I've watched the interviews on YouTube, read reviews on different websites, scrolled through tweets and status updates of my online friends, even listened to the thoughts of people in the office who watched it already and it was overwhelmingly positive. I had to check out what the fuss is all about. 

STORY: Hello October!

I don't know why, but I'm especially giddy about my birthday month this year. Maybe it's because I'm turning 21... finally legal all over the world! Not that I'm going to travel the world or anything (for now... at least. Hihi)

THEORY: Wild Child

I'm scared I might run into you one day and lose control over my tongue. I don't know if you are aware that I hate you, your guts and your (seemingly) only pair of shoes but I won't care, I won't explain, I won't think twice... I will go right ahead, walk up to you and hurt you with words I never thought I could speak. I know I sound so evil, mean, b*tchy, and without class, but you started this, so in a sense, you wanted this to happen. 

Did you really expect me to just watch you poke at me? You thought wrong. It's been months since you first cut me open, and the wound is not yet healed. I still hate you as much as the day you first joined the story of my life... and mind you, you were never invited. Who's without class now, party crasher, er, story invader?

P.S. I know I hate your guts and all but I'm still going to give you advice (See what I good person I am? How dare you hurt me?). Can you please get at least one more pair of shoes? Kasi obvious masyado na one pair lang. You don't wear a uniform but it looks like you do. If someone goes through your albums (and I admittedly have. What? I need to know what I'm up against!), they'd see the same shirt+jeans+black Keds combo you've got going... and it's been going on for quite some time now! And though your shirts change colors, that doesn't really count as variety.

I'm being mean again. Ugh. Why do I feel bad about it! No, Andy. You're supposed to be ready for this. You aren't supposed to chicken out when you come face to face with this ***** one day. Suck your gut and be mean... and don't you dare feel bad about it! (Well, just when you're mean towards this *****, that is)