STORY: High School

I always get excited about going back to my high school. I love my teachers. I love the friends I made there. I love the feeling I get every time I enter the familiar gates. So when my school had a week long centennial anniversary celebration, I just had to drop by. Of course, I had work, so the only time I got to go was the annual concert held Friday night. When I got to the concert, I came across familiar faces and places and the memories came rushing back, also the feelings that came with it.

I know this sounds bad, but really, the main reason I'm excited about going back is to show people that I have "evolved." I wasn't the coolest or most popular kid back in high school. I would even go as far as call myself a dork and a loser (and this is not the kind of self-pity that people do to sound cool for whatever reason. This is plain truth). I was painfully shy, had no sense of fashion, had terrible hair and was just plain uninteresting. And at that time, I was unaware I was a dork, so I didn't really do anything about it. I didn't care! (Original hipster right here!) I also had very few friends and found it very difficult to make new ones. Maybe because I wasn't really very fun to be around. I was the diligent student that others would make fun of for following school rules, but I was also the kid people would be nice to when they had to copy my homework. I was that girl. And now I'm the girl who wants to show those popular girls that they can no longer do that to me. (Oh goodness, the story of my life is sounding so much like an American comedy film about HS reunions). I have no grudges with them ha. It isn't their fault they were pretty and friendly and everyone liked them. I just have some issues with myself for not being like them. I just can't let it go! (See, loser alert!)

Fast forward to a post-college Andy (even my name has changed. I used to be dorky Andrea/Andeng), I now have better people skills, better fashion sense (Well, I think so), and better hair (but still needs improvement). I'd also like to think I'm more interesting now (although my interests have not changed since then. I still like Disney as much!) and can keep a conversation going after hi-hello. Going back to high school as a better version of myself makes me realize how far I've gone and how much further I can go. The confirmation of my "evolution" makes me feel good and hearing my old high school mates notice the change makes me feel even better. I guess I'm still looking for the high school confidence I never had that's why what my high school batchmates think of me still matters to me. Well, everyone has their own baggage that never leaves them... and mine is high school. To defend myself, I think wanting to relive high school is a more bearable baggage than those who can't move on from their ex or something like that. Not judging, just saying.

Anyhoo, I love my school. It may not be the most sosyal school out there but education isn't about being posh anyway. Going into college, I found out that a lot of the stuff we were taught in high school weren't covered by other schools. I felt proud about that. But as sad as this is going to sound again, I wasn't very proud introducing where I came from. Mainly because no one knew where or what my school was. Paco Catholic School didn't really sound as cool as my college classmates' high schools. I struggled to fight my superficial concerns and be true to how I felt. I loved my high school and am proud I went to PCS. I should be able to say it... out loud. So this blog post is a sign that I've been working on it. 

Oh by the way, I couldn't find a smooth transition to this but I wanted to talk about it anyway. I saw my high school crush during the concert. And when I say crush, I'm talking about crazy head-over-heels crush. I obsessed over this guy for 2 years! If I shared the stuff I did out of my obsession over him, I would sound super creepy! Anyway, he still is as cute as I first saw him. Even cuter now since puberty has finished it's job. But something changed when I saw him that night. I realized, no matter how cute he was or how dreamy I thought of him, he will forever be just my high school crush. Back in high school, I thought having him notice me and like me would be the most wonderful thing. But now, and excluding the fact that I am committed to someone, I don't really want to be with him... ever. I'd like him to remain my crush and be that image of perfect in my head. I don't ever want to ruin that. I'd always like to have a memory of my high school with the version of him I had then and still have now. Oh, and just so you know why he is so perfect in my eyes, it's because I never actually spoke to him! And I'm not even sure he knows who I am. But yeah, I was head over heels over a guy I didn't really know. But that's high school for you... and my first encounter with love (even if it is the most microscopic version of it) as well!

Oh, high school. 

No comments: