I have so many things I want to write about but I just never seem to have the time or energy to blog about it! So, for the meantime, I'm going to list the stuff here and maybe I can write a decent post on each soon.
My first drive alone
My no sleep week
My first road trip
I have to stop eating
As I read through the list, my life is looking like a tacky tween novel series, with each item sounding like a title of a book! HAHA. Anyhoo...
Ironically, I've never felt more alonethan in this moment when I have more than enough people in my life who could (and I hope would) make me feel I belong.
There are so many things going on right now that make me want to just put my hands up in the air and give up. I want to stop trying already. I want to stop trying to fit in, to be liked, and most importaintly, to fool myself that the problem isn't me.
I have no one to talk to. I have filtered people too much or have pushed too many away to trust anyone with my feelings right now. I always believed that I am independent and I don't need to have someone always by my side to talk to or to help me out. But I guess I'm not as independent as I am arrogant. I just don't want to admit that I can't do things on my own. But now that I have admitted to myself that I can't be alone, and that having to always talk to myself sucks, I realize that I am not as independent and strong as I wished. I know needing people is not weakness, but it feels like it to me. And it scares me and makes me feel so depressed that I have to accept that this is the case. I am weak and I need people... people I do not have.