STORY: All Roads Lead To You

I love that I can really drive now. As in drive, drive. Drive without someone in the passenger seat constantly telling me what to do. I really love that I can drive now.

And for the past months that I have finally been bestowed with this overdue privilege, I thought of the skill as nothing but a positive thing. Can you imagine all the freedom and control I had over my life just because I could drive? I could go anywhere, anytime I wanted.

But after tonight, I have developed a tiny bit of hate for it... because it just leads me back to you. And I mean that both literally and figuratively.


Literally, since I can always drive by your place or any other place that reminds me of you. If I had to commute, I would have to think twice or thrice to even take the effort to pass by a place that is out of my way. But with a car, it's so convenient that I end up mindlessly driving by your place... with stupid hope that something might happen. I'm not even sure what that "something" I'm expecting is, but I just do it anyway. Just like tonight. I drove by your place and saw you weren't home... and the only "something" that happened was me bursting into tears about you being out, out somewhere that I had no knowledge of. That you may be having the time of your life while I am being the pathetic person waiting outside your house. It didn't help that my shuffled iPod played some mushy love song.

Figuratively, since the first thing I thought of doing when I got to drive the car was to drive for you. I am assuming you know this because this is all I ever talk about when it comes to driving. My dream is to be able to drive you to school and drive you home, the same thing you've done for me all these years. So technically, my dream to drive was a dream I had for me to give to you. So now, every time I'm at a stoplight, when I run out of things to occupy my mind (and believe me how much I've been struggling to always have something to keep me occupied), all I think about is how you aren't beside me making my dreams come true.

I still love driving but a little part of me hates it at the same time. And it's funny because it's the same way I feel about you. I love you and I hate you at the same time. I guess I need to learn to have one emotion for everything just to simplify things. I should learn not to hate driving and not to love you.

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