THEORY: Growing Apart

"Sometimes you have to grow apart to keep growing together" but you know what, sometimes you just grow apart. Period. 

I haven't figured out what kind of separation is the worst - through death, through physical fights, through lies, through growing apart, etc. but I have tried to weigh the pros and cons of each one. At first you'd think being separated by death is the worst but sometimes it's the least painful, simply because you know it wasn't really your fault. You lost someone you love because of something beyond your control. Although the tough part is that the loss is permanent and there is no way to fix things again. On the other hand, you'd think being separated by misunderstanding is the easiest because by the time you part ways, you already hate each other's guts! But when you think of it, this kind of separation brings so much regrets because it was a loss you could have done something about... and didn't. 

Anyway, I'm not about to discuss all sorts of ways we can lose people in our lives (although at this point I am very tempted to do so). I'm just here to talk about one... growing apart. This is one of the scariest kinds of separation because you don't know it's happening until it's over. It's slow and quiet, like some terminal illness that is eating you up from the inside. Soon enough you’d find yourself at the doctor’s office with a million dollar operation as the only cure. Then at that moment, you just know you’re dead. Sure it can be cured but it is next to impossible, unless you’re Angelina Jolie. For the rest of us, that announcement just buys us enough time to pack our stuff and say our goodbyes.

Growing apart is so much like that. It can be fixed, and some have successfully done it but it takes so much effort and only a few have the privilege of giving up that much.

Growing apart sucks. I mean, to even consider that you have grown apart with someone implies you’ve known that person long enough for him or her to change. Right? That means there is so many memories, so much history that will go down the drain along with that person. And in that time that you were still growing together, you’ve imagined you would be that same way forever, well, until you forget each other’s names… whichever comes first. So it’s so devastating to be at this point where the two of you who once dreamed together, who could tell what the other was dong with their eyes closed can no longer see eye to eye.

Growing apart is frustrating. It’s not like an argument where you leave and know what was wrong. With growing apart, you don’t always know what happened. Actually, most times you just don’t know! You just wake up one day and realize that you are in front of a totally different person… then you look in the mirror and realize so are you. You want to fix it but you don’t know what to fix. You are frustrated because you want to cure this, you want to make things better, you want this person to be the person you knew… then you realize that there isn’t anything to cure because nothing is sick, there isn’t anything to fix because nothing is broken, and there is no more trace of that person you knew because there is nothing left of that person to begin with. And it just screws your brain how something working perfectly fine, something that has actually improved be the cause of something so terrible!

Growing apart is sad. Actually, above everything else, it’s just plain sad. You can’t really be mad that you’ve grown apart if that means you both become better people. At the end of the day, you want the best for that person and you want the best for you, too and it’s just so sad that fate didn’t let you become better people together.

So what now? What do you do when you are at that doctor’s office being told you had to go through a million dollar surgery to get cured? Well, for me, I’d say thank you and walk out the door and just make the most of what is left of my time. I can make up that money (hypothetically) but I’d be too stressed, too impatient, too mad to enjoy my health once it is restored.

So what now? I’ll say goodbye… but with much, much hope that we’d say hello to each other again one day. Until then, I’ll have to forget about this “disease” and just do that YOLO thing everyone’s talking about. 

No comments: