THEORY: I Miss You

I miss you so much right now. It's just been four days but it feels like forever already. Actually, what makes the days feel so heavy is the looming feeling of not knowing. Not knowing where I stand and where I'm headed... not knowing if we are still on the same road or not. It's depressing and it just makes me miss you more because you always take my sadness away (regardless of whether you are the cause or not).

I miss you so much I do not know what to do with myself anymore. It has began to affect my functionality. I would break into tears at work, in the road, before I sleep, while I shower. Of course the random crying delays things so you can just imagine how many minutes I've lost trying to ugly cry quietly. The restroom has been my favorite place in the world these past days actually. It's the place I feel safest in because it's the only place I can be alone and truly be honest with my feelings (because even with my blog, I unconsciously filter some things). In front of the toilet and dripping sink, I don't have to explain my feelings. They won't judge me or pity me or tell me things I don't want to hear. I can just ugly cry and not be told I'm ugly (even if I really am)

I miss you so much and I miss being able to tell you that at the instant I feel it. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Let me chant it in the hope that my desperation will fly my message to you wherever you are.

I hope you receive my message and if it's still in your heart to reply, I would love to hear what you have to say... whether it's an "I miss you, too" or the opposite. Because right now, I miss you so much any reply would do.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

I just can't say it enough. I miss you.

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