THEORY: Love Takes Work

It' not that I love my family more or I love my boyfriend better. I just love them differently. And since the love is different, there isn't reason to compare since this isn't an apples to apples thing. It's just sad that this is a continuous battle both external and [more] internal. 

If you base my love on the extent of contact and communication, then boyfriend will win hands down. But I don't measure love this way. When faced with a life and death situation, I will, without a doubt, catch a bullet for any of my family members. When I need to give up food for my siblings to eat, I will willingly starve. When I need to miss out on my favorite show to help someone out, I will suffer in silence (Oh Lord, you know how I love my TV!) In short, I may not be with them as often, but I will be there when it matters. 

But, being me, I try to understand why I choose to spend more time with the boyfriend than with my family. And as I put this unnecessary stress of thinking on myself, I realised that the reason I choose to be with the boyfriend more often is because the love we have is a love I chose. I wasn't born to love him. I found him on my own and decided to love him. The love we have requires more work so I have to invest more of myself in it. I had the advantage of being born to my family and spending every waking moment with them for the past 16 years so the work on our love kickstarted even before I was aware any work was happening. 

I'm not sure if I'm just rationalising all this time I'm spending with the boyfriend so I won't feel guilty over less family time but whether it's true or not, my sentiments remain the same. Love does take work... and the love I chose just takes a lot more of it. 

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