Here it finally is! As promised, here is my first DIY post on my interior design adventures! I can't wait to post more of these so I'm excitedly getting this first one out of the way.
No matter how much I say I am comfortable in my own skin, I always still feel weird and awkward and well, uncomfortable being the "introvert" that I am.
I actually hate using the word introvert to describe myself. Not because I am ashamed of it or anything, it's just that I've noticed people using the word to associate themselves as part of some "exclusive" group. It's like everybody just wants to proclaim to the world that they're an introvert waaaaaaay more than I feel is necessary. Maybe they think it makes them sound cooler or mysterious or whatever other adjective that makes them feel good about themselves. Being an introvert doesn't make anyone cooler. If anything, it just makes you a little more, well, awkward and self-conscious and uncomfortable... like I am at this very second.
I love being who I am. I really do. But like everyone else, there are days I wonder why I do. Sometimes I wish things like small talk and greetings would become so much easier! I hate scrambling my brain for things to say or constantly thinking whether I should nervously shake her hand or give her an awkward "beso."I hate having to think whether the person at the other end of the table thinks I'm a snob for not moving closer or think I'm a weirdo if I suddenly do move closer. I am frustrated that I have think whether it will be offensive or funny to deliver a joke at a certain moment. I am tired of having to think whether the person across me wants me to talk to her (and if I dont, I'll look like an elitist snob) or doesn't want to be bothered (so if I talk to her, I'll look like an intrusive b*).
Being who I am just takes too much energy out of me. If I had actually ran the marathons I ran in my head, I'd be Victoria's Secret model fit by now. But no. My mental exercise remains as it is... mental. And in the process, I just manage to exhaust myself internally which makes me cranky, frustrated and uncomfortable externally.
Oh, when will everything be less awkward and weird and uncomfortable? I want to retire from my marathoning already... and yes, I'm aware I'm just 22... but I want a new activity already, maybe sleep marathoning this time.
I just found out Ate Lisa died. Apparently, she's been in the hospital for six months and just passed away due to brain tumor. But what do I care, right? Who is Ate Lisa anyway? She's just the street food vendor from across the street. She's just the familiar voice who would call my brother "Tangkad" and my dad "Boss" and ask me how things have been. She's just the familiar face that would nod at me, and in recent years, Jose, to get as much as we want from the fishball, squidball, kwek-kwek, isaw, etc spread and after, ask us how much our bill was and not even question it. She's just Ate Lisa. But then again, she's not. She is THE Ate Lisa and now she's gone. Just like that.
You know what, I've been thinking... I should start posting detailed travel blogs (with itinerary, actual spending) and simple tutorials on my DIY home makeover projects on my blog. I mean, when I travel and when I "renovate," I would usually go online for tips, suggestions and inspirations so, why not pay it forward? I know I'm not an expert on either of the two items, but I guess a little info wouldn't hurt?
I'm trying to recall some items from my last trips to Laoag and Pico De Loro from 2013 but I'm afraid the info might not be accurate if I jot it down by memory. So I guess I'm going to start my travel entry with my next trip instead.
For my DIY stuff, I've totally lost count of how much I've spent on my previous projects. I would buy items when I would need them at that instant and I would usually buy items piece by piece! So again, I'll just start documenting and detailing my DIY adventures with my next one (which I'm currently finishing actually - I'm revamping my closets and my curtain thingies --- I don't know what it's called!)
Here's to being a friendly neighborblog to other surfers out there looking for tips, suggestions and inspirations this new year! :)
The year 2013 wasn't one of my best years. It also wasn't one of the worsts either. It was somewhere in between and it left me feeling in between as well.
I guess it's only normal to feel like the whole year was a transition/filler year. The year 2012 was filled with so much firsts that I should have known that I would spend the whole of next year simply catching up. I was no longer treated as a baby (which I wanted) come 2013 which meant I had to step up and take full responsibility for everything. In 2012, I would search for responsibility and rejoice in finally getting it (hello, getting a bill addressed to me was a milestone!) but now responsibility is chasing after me! That said, I messed up a lot this year. I made so many mistakes that were no longer forgivable. I finally realized this when I said sorry for something and that person told me, "Ay, bago ka?" I was no longer given as much consideration or understanding because I was expected to have already mastered a number of things. I was no longer a first timer... and we all know things are only exciting at first.
But when you think of it, 2013 wasn't really just a filler. It was really a learning year. And because it was a learning year, it simply felt boring compared to other years. But then again, learning is always a positive thing so no matter how "in between" or boring the year felt, there is still so much I am thankful for. I trust God always has a plan for everything so as I look back at my filler year, I'm hoping 2014 is the year that I have been "filling" up for. Here we go...