STORY: Aimee

I am very, very sad. I don't even have enough joy in me to be poetic about it. I'm just sad. 

Aimee's last day in the office is today. It doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but it is to me. A very big one that I am not sure I can handle it. I've been thinking about this day and how I would feel when it comes but I guess it only really hits when it's already there. 

For the past weeks, I tried to bury the idea that Aimee's days with me, us, in the office, in studios and in all the crazy places in between weren't numbered. In the back of my head I would think that, in a sudden twist of fate, she might just stay and everything will be just as it is. But of course, that would be silly and definitely unfair to her. Aimee has her reasons for leaving and if her decision can only mean happiness for her and her family, then who am I or anyone else to tell her otherwise. 
But that doesn't make me any less sad. I have very few to no friends (no shame in that!) so losing one is  a very emotional process for me. And not just anyone, but someone who actually listens, understands and argues with my thoughts and crazy ideas about this world. That's all I've ever wanted to find really, someone who wouldn't think I'm weird for liking certain things or crazy for believing in non-traditional ideals. But I must have been a good person because I was given that and more. I was given someone who was also weird and crazy in her own unique way. 
I know I'm not really losing her. I know she'll still be my friend even if she isn't going to the same office anymore. But there's just something very comforting in knowing you are just a few meters apart. That any time an idea comes up, you would know where to find a listening ear. But I guess this is another part of growing up. Friendship no longer means the person most convenient to be with, but the person you find comfort in, you find joy in hanging out with, and the person who somehow finds comfort in you, too.

In all my years, this is the first work friend I've lost and I just realized it is a very different kind of pain. When you lose friends in school, it's inevitable. You will all eventually have to graduate and go your separate ways. So accepting that you will no longer be confined in the same walls in something you knew would happen. But with work, leaving is something people decide to do and it is definitely something you can not anticipate. That's why it requires a lot more effort and understanding to get through the feeling of loss. So please, just let me sulk in my feelings for a while. This is all new to me and my bigger fear is that this is just the first of many. 
Anyway, bye Aimee! I couldn't say my goodbyes properly in person because I might break into tears like a baby. And since people don't know that all the above are the things going through my head as I say farewell, they'd call me crazy again... and you won't be there to tell I'm not anymore. I wish you all the best, Aimee! Until our next project and I'm hoping it's one that doesn't require us to lose sleep over. :)

1 comment:

Aimee said...

To my pinakamamahal na AE (read: Andy Extraordinaire)...thank you for making me feel so loved. (sabi ko, quota na ako sa iyakan eh...heto na naman) I wish I were a better writer so I can put into words how immensely I value your friendship and enjoy your stories, thoughts, and not to mention, ideas that would break the usual wedding mold. (Ay, ngayon pa lang iniimbita ko na sarili ko sa kasal n'yo!) Please know that you -- a dreamer and doer rolled into one -- inspire me no end.