STORY: Tuesday Mess

There are days when the universe just decides to pick on you. Maybe this is payback for all the times I decided I had the power to just pick on my sisters. Maybe. I don't know. I just know that it is just 11:41am on a Tuesday yet it feels like I've messed up enough things to keep me buried in shame until the end of the year. 

You know, every time I'm situations like these, I tell myself, "Never again." I tell myself that I should never, ever f*ck up this bad again. I never want to be in the same situation, feeling this terrible, terrible feeling of stupidity, failure and worthlessness. But it is never "never again." It is always "always again." To save some face, I have to share that I don't mess up with the same things over and over. It's always a different thing. But why can't I ever perfect anything? Once, twice, even thrice is reasonable... but I've been doing this thing for almost two years now... when can I do something without any thing going wrong?

I'm just tired of always thinking I've got something mastered only to realize the next minute I don't. And I'm not a very confident person at that ha. It takes a very long time for me to tel myself that I actually know what I'm doing so imagine the pain it must feel to tell yourself that you thought wrong. 

Hay, life. I know I've asked this time and time again but I won't stop until you listen... please be kind to me. Please.

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