Why am I moving after my beautiful five-year relationship with Blogspot? Well, it's pretty shallow, really. There isn't a good app on my phone for Blogger. Sure I have BlogAway app but the interface isn't very nice. I just want to make blogging easier so that I can keep blogging the moment inspiration hits. With BlogAway, it's just such a hassle that I end up not wanting to blog at all.
Actually, I eventually really made the decision to transfer after I read different posts on comparing Blogger and Wordpress. I read somewhere that Google owns my posts vs Wordpress where I own all my content and that somehow brought back the trauma of my Multiply blog. From the posts I read, Google can choose to shut down blogspot and all my blogs would be gone - which is exactly what happened to my Multiply account! I had years of everyday blogs on there and now they are all gone!!! I seriously blogged every single day! I queued posts when I knew I couldn't blog a certain day... I'm that committed to having a post every day! And now that's all gone and I'm never going to let that happen again!
Unfortunately, there are a lot of downsides to my Wordpress account, too. First, my beautiful blog name was already taken so I had to settle with "storiesntheories.wordpress.com" Second, I can't customize the themes and I can't add all my buttons and GIFs. And third, I'd have to pay to be able to do all the customization I can do on Blogger for free! And since my site has an audience of one, I don't think it would be a wise investment.
Anyway, so far so good. The Wordpress app is really nice and I've been blogging almost every day since the move. Here's hoping I finally settle down for good on Wordpress.
Bye, blogger! I really did love you!
There are some things that can't be captured with words, pictures, or even videos. The emotions and back story built into the people involved in certain moments get lost along the way. Actually, it could just be because I am not as skilled in writing, photography or videography as I need to be to capture said moments. But whatever the case, I still want to try and create a remembrance for certain events. Just like the one tonight.
Before I share what happened, know that the years between Jose and I change what certain things mean, to me at least, versus what a third party would pick up from watching the same situation unfold. The events below seem completely ordinary or unimportant but knowing what I know about Jose and knowing how we are together will change how you imagine everything.
Jose and I were at the grocery, falling in line at the check out counter. We just had a basket of cookies, bath soap, dog food and razors (such a random group of items) so we headed for the 12-or-less-items counter. While I flipped through the magazines on the rack by the counter, the cashier was already scanning the last two to three items of the lady ahead of us. From my peripheral vision, I saw that Jose let the guy behind us cut in line. It was not like Jose at all (If you knew how impatient Jose is, this would be your first thought, too). Jose was the guy who had nightmares of getting stuck in traffic or long lines so I was quite surprised that he just let someone get ahead of us. I asked Jose if the guy was a companion of the lady in front of us, thinking this was why he would let the guy go ahead. Jose then said that it was because the guy had only two items - a bottle of facial wash and a bottle of mouth wash. I found it so nice that Jose did that so I let out an "awwww" like I always do (much to his annoyance). As I did, his resting mad face turned into intentional mad face (Jose always looks mad. I just learned to tell the difference between the resting one and the intentional one).
As we placed our items on the counter, Jose kept trying to conspicuously stop me from expressing my affection (he wasn't very conspicuous, by the way) but I just kept making my "awwwws" more obvious because (1) I find it so adorable how he tries to secretly shut me up and get more annoyed in the process and (2) I'm just really happy when he does random nice things for strangers that I can't help but "awwww" some more (Jose is a nice person ha, just his own kind of nice). A third unofficial reason (it's unofficial because I already know the answer) is actually to see how long he could stay pissed at me when I'm being all cutesy (answer: for as long as I try to be cute. He will never budge, I swear!).
After all the items were placed in paper bags, we walked out towards the parking lot. The rain was pouring hard so we had to wait the rain out in the covered area near the entrance. While waiting, I continued to show my "adoration" over his little act of kindness. I kept nudging his shoulder, squeezing his arm and letting out more "awwws" the entire time. I got so annoying that his intentional mad face turned into serious mad face. It was then I stopped bugging him. I walked to the other side of the covered area and waited for the rain to stop there. A few minutes later, Jose was already standing beside me and asking if I was mad. I wasn't mad but I was too lazy to exert any effort explaining that I wasn't mad so I just went along with it. So he thought I was mad and then he was about to get mad about me being mad... but he noticed the rain. He said that the rain has slowed down a bit and that we could already make a run for the car. So we ran.
The rain was actually still pretty hard so we got soaked. When we got inside the car, we checked the brown bags we were holding and they were also wet. Jose asked if I got my feet wet so I looked down to check. As I did, Jose ran his hand from my face up to my head wiping all the rain water. He then squeezed my cheeks and turned my head to face him then kissed me. I was looking at him (because he was still holding my face towards him) when he said, "Bakit ba ang kulit mo?" then laughed. Before I could answer, he followed his question up with, "Ang kulit mo talaga!" He laughed again so I laughed, too. We laughed for a little while more then we headed out of the parking lot. Next thing I know, we were talking about how foggy the tiny parking lot tollbooth was from the air conditioning. Then that was it.
It's sad that I can't remember all the little moments that happen between Jose and I like the one tonight. I know this moment has no real significance in our lives. It won't affect any of the bigger pieces of the puzzle down the road. But I'd really like to be able to give specific examples when I tell people that I find Jose kind, or adorable, or funny. Not just Jose actually, any person in my life!
I figured that we don't usually remember the specific events that lead us to our overall impression of people. We just remember that someone is funny or smart without remembering the day that person said the joke or that person shared some cool trivia. I know the brain has to free up space to store more important things but still, I'd like to find a way to be able to look back at these passing moments. It's a good thing my blog is here to help me with just that.
I JUST SPENT THE LAST 15 TO 20 MINUTES TYPING A LENGTHY BLOG ON MY PHONE AND IT'S ALL EFFING GONE. I HAD TO SPELL CHECK AND EDIT AND WHATEVER AND IT IS ALL EFFING GONE. I WAS FILLED WITH SO MUCH EMOTION AND POETIC AND ALL AND NOW IT IS ALL GONE. EMOTION IS GONE. EFFING INSPIRATION IS GONE. SCREW APPS! I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW ALL THE CAPS IN THE WORLD WILL NOT HELP.
I think I was just made fun of. I'm not entirely sure. I know that sounds really sad as it is but it gets worse. I was laughing along with them the entire time. It was only after the laughing stopped did I have time to realize what was happening. They were laughing about me not having friends. They were joking about it but if you read between the lines, it was like they were saying I was such a sucky person that's why I had no friends.
It absolutely frustrates me that some people use and abuse people around them without care at all! It's like they can't even recognize the evil that they are doing!
It frustrates me more that this situation proves kindness does not always win. That being good and understanding and patient do not guarantee fair treatment or deserved respect.
The worst part is that the abuse does not end with me but extends to the people I love and care for. And since these people I love do not have the heart to say no to someone knocking at their door for help, I just helplessly watch the abuse continue.
But more than frustration for my sucky situation, I feel pity for these abusive people. I pity that they have become so absorbed in their evil ways that they fail to recognize it. Or that they have become so absorbed that they don't even care.
I want to fight them so much but I know better than to fight people I pity.
Last week, I decided to flush out unnecessary activities from my life. Activities that just eat up my time and energy but do not produce anything useful. Number one on the list is Facebook with Instagram as a close second.
For minutes, even hours when combined, I mindlessly scroll through my feed as if searching for something I'm not sure I want to find. It's such a stupid activity made especially obvious when I tried to recall all the posts I've read on one particular day - from make up hacks I don't even care about (I dont use make up other than brow pencil anyway) to what Kris Aquino drank before bedtime.
It sounds so simple and easy to just quit. I mean, I've had a life before FB and IG, so I must know how to live without it. But after 3 proud days of being out of the social media loop, I caved. It started as little peeks on my notifications until eventually I just threw my hands up and gave up. I know there is a deeper reason why I (along with so many) find it so hard to break our chains with social media. Maybe its the insecurity? The need to prove one's happiness or better state of life to others? The need to be noticed? The need to know what's new? I don't know and frankly I don't want to know. I already am aware I have many personality issues, I don't want to validate it by analyzing my weakness for FB.
Fast forward to today, I find myself disappointed with how I am enslaved by FB and IG. I just caught myself reading an article about Taylor Swift's belly button and I found myself right where I was a week or so ago - wanting to flush out this unnecessary time eater.
Maybe it's easier the second time. You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. So goodbye FB and IG! I hope I last for more than three days this time.
I don't know why I'm yearning to get away from everything when I'm just on my first day back to work from a 5-day holiday. It doesn't make sense. I guess my body has a mind of its own and just can't wrap itself around the idea that vacations are vacations because they have to end.
Anyway, I've been fantasizing all morning about
my next escape. Unlike my usual daydreams filled with adventurous escapades, I find myself wanting to find a spot in a quiet, forgotten and peaceful place where I can be left alone to read my book. It's not that I'm eager to finish the book because I know how it ends already (I'm rereading Catching Fire). I just want to fully immerse myself in the book and enjoy every detail. Be able to stop and stare blankly for as long as I want when a chapter just hits me and be able to speed through the pages without anyone calling me to do something else.
But I'm here at the escalator on the way to my desk. Guess no running away is happening today.